Sunday, February 28, 2010

Looking For Love?

There are hundreds of millions of people in the world looking for romantic love. In the developed world, as about half marriages end in divorce, and everyone else is too young, or never was or is no longer interested, kinda seeing someone, it can be presumed that a lot of people are in some state of being single and available. So why do some struggle to find "the right one" when it is something they very much desire? I think it may be WHERE they look. Here is some suggested places to look for certain types. Nightclubs are too loud to talk often, and are only really good for finding some fast fun. Having some basic sign language you share with your friends is good for gigs like that, though terrible for chatting people up and getting to know a prospective mate. It is fast and often fruitless, and a bit awkward during and after. Dating sites are good, but you are searching through thousands, and you are looking specifically often. Also you can't smell them on a computer screen! You need to be able to smell someones pheromones to gage whether you are suitable on an animal level.
Also, if you ask, people always say they want someone "nice"or "good", who is honest, and can make them laugh, etc. They always describe a generic saint (watch out saints, you are hot property!). Actually they want someone who will slot into their emotional comfort zone. If you are looking for a long term mate, if you can accommodate their human condition you have more hope at something healthy and realistic.
FAST FUN? Nightclubs, parties (at party houses), pubs and hotels, specialist clubs.
Comedy clubs, comedy movies, the person making the jokes people want to laugh at at social events, preforming arts schools, comics store, amusement parks, or the comedy section of the video store. The people with the sense of humour are in the audience too, you don't have to headhunt the main comic. Make sure it is a compatible kind of humour.
Volunteer organisations, charity shops, working bees, working in child care, social work, human services, nurses, doctors, art therapists, complementary health practitioners, or teachers (of soft subjects). Volunteer yourself for causes you believe in, and you will meet someone, or someone who knows someone, who has the same values in kindness as you. With professional carers, if you know where they work (or play is better), make excuses to be there or where they stop to eat and drink. Then make excuses to start conversations, especially ones where you have to see them again. Two bits of advice though. First, volunteers and professional carers are not there for you to harass. Be kind as well, and respect their space. Do not stalk them. They are doing an essential job, so you don't want to put them off. Secondly, not everyone who does volunteer work does it because they are nice. Sometimes they are appeasing their consciences for some vice or vices, or occurrence from the past. Also, if you are thinking of preying on the do-gooders by getting one for yourself to serve you, that is something that will inevitably backfire.
Find out where the biggest or interest specific firms are. Go to nearby take aways and cafes (and bars for the more risque suit) at lunch time. Also at the time they end their working day. Dress the part (what would be appropriate?), and start a conversation (take an ice-breaker, like a restaurant brochure, if you need to). There are many suits in the making at university. Commerce students, law students etc. are often also working. Doing a course in money matters can give you a chance at meeting them, as well as give you jargon knowledge, so when they tell you about what they are doing, you can understand. However, becoming a businessperson or lawyer might give you the respectability, ambition and security that you may be looking for.
Modelling/acting agencies. Fashion houses (and clothing shops), both male and female. Gyms, beaches and swimming pools. Photographers and modelling shows. Dance classes, beauticians, hair dressers. Strip clubs and escorts (however, don't look for anything permanent and expect to be charged). "In" crowds at nightclubs often have divas at the centre, though they are not the hub of all things beautiful, which they may have forgotten. Some good looking people hide for their own functionality, so look in back rooms and quiet places with security. Healthiness is the best looking, so try joggers and tai chi practitioners early morning in the park or beach. Health food shops, and sports venues are a good spot too.
If you are of a particular faith, or wish to find someone of a faith, try their/your temples, churches, mosques, synagogues, places of worship and religious gathering. If you do not find someone of preference, you can go to similar gatherings further afield, or larger mingling of similar ilk. If you are more broad-minded, but like a person with a sense of the spiritual, yoga classes, tai chi classes, meditation groups, healing centres, interfaith prayer groups, spiritual retreats, acupuncture waiting rooms, book shops specialising in spirituality or spiritually orientated Societies are good places to look. However, a few may be recovering from a life confronting experience, so preying on them is again unethical, and loaded with trouble.
Go and walk on the beach while the sun is setting. There will be other singles doing the same, for the love of it, if you are anywhere near civilisation in a beach orientated geography. Repeat as necessary, start conversations about the tide, the sunset, or something else beachy.
If you are looking for a beach babe or surfer, hang around the beach kiosk, swimwear and surf shops, get to the beach when the tide is high (or dropping so they start getting out of the water) for surfers. Dress appropriately, take up swimming/surfing/tanning/sand castle building!
Sex toy shops (the kinky end), adult book shops (the R-Rated or XXX section), hardcore nightclubs, seedy suburbs, B&D or S&M parlours all have beats for the bent to follow up whatever fetish they are after. Look on notice boards, in magazines, ask at the counter if you are unfamiliar with where to get what. Realise there will probably be financial (as well as other) expenditure along many channels. Places NOT to look for your fetish fulfillment in or around schools (including colleges and universities), in places of worship, in general accommodation, or anywhere obviously straight. DO NOT try and prey on innocents outside of the places where it is OBVIOUSLY on offer. There are reasons why it is restricted by law. If you are looking for a particular type of fetishist like, or suiting, yourself, go find the ones who are ALREADY into it, where they gather, leave the straight (vanilla) people alone. There are nightclubs and parlours available. If you have a sexual addiction that you have lost control of, which is messing up your life, there is help, such as your doctor, counsellor, psychologist or sex therapist, some religious service people, Sex Addicts Anonymous, and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.
Art galleries, avante garde film nights, independent cinemas, theatre sports, art classes/schools, studios and artistic co-operatives, arts and crafts fairs/shops or suburbs, creative cooking courses, pottery and sculpture studios, haberdasheries, design and fashion supply shops or houses, landscaping supply shops, writing groups, architecture clubs or conventions, rock and pop gigs, the opera or ballet, symphony under the stars, photographic services, entertainment venues, the spray paint or carpentry section of the hardware store!
Need to find someone to have babies with? Child care workers and training facilities, au pair services, teachers (especially primary school), people in and working in baby ware shops or sections of shops, midwifes, maternity nurses or education institutions, anywhere with babies will gather cooing breeders (borrow a friend or relatives baby and go for a walk and you will see what is meant) including men, country people (male and female), poorer people (generally, the poor have more children then the rich, ironically), the devout faithful (barring a few who have devoted themselves purely to religion) of just about any religion (Ba'hai for instance), people of simple ambition (the Michangelos, Joan of Arcs, career or cause orientated are often too busy or even avoiding it), single parents social clubs. Here's a tip. People, both male and female, who are single parents, or weekend parents, want someone who likes children (especially theirs) to help them rear their young as well as to love. They are often quite willing to have more children to establish that bond for permanence. It also makes them seem more legally stable. Their thinking is very practical by this stage. Again, if you are honestly looking for breeder love look in those places. However, preying on these people, whose lives are already difficult, for money or access to children is deeply wrong.
These incorrigible romantics tend to live in a fantasy, and are a bit perfectionist orientated. In their heads they are heroes and heroines, defeating the bad guys to win the day and the girl at the end. Life is not really like that, so a lot of them like fantasy stuff. The fantasy section of the library or bookshop has many a misty eyed browser. So do shops selling gaming paraphernalia (Lord of the Rings figurines, do it yourself Dungeons and Dragons kits). Gothics tend to be quite straight, but tragedy orientated. Poetry sections of the book store are good as well (Yeats, Keats, Browning), as well as the romance section (Mills and Boon etc). The romantic comedy (usually girls)/sci-fi fantasy (usually boys) section of the video shop is quite fruitful. Florists, wedding gown/jewelry shop windows (and people working or enquiring there). They may like proper places and things, so antique shops, high quality food or home wares shops are good, as long as it is a bit different (cultured). They like meaning to be part of it. They are often looking for something pure and noble in other areas of their life, so may be doing anything from voluntary land care, working in an charity shop, to martial arts. They may very well be trying to save something in a noble cause. Anywhere that attracts idealists. Historical appreciation societies, old building conservation societies, Knights of the Holy Order of Whatever, archives, museums and anywhere else sentimental.
Like your men beefy and strong? Try heavy sports venues (football, squash, triathletics), builders/labourers, farm workers. And of course, body builders at the gym. Emergency service workers, firemen, warehouse workers, anyone who lifts and carries heavy items regularly, roadies, and furniture removalists. Watch out for anyone who might be using steroids, as long term use harms their ability to preform in bed, and also makes them moody and aggressive. Balding men tend to have higher testosterone levels, producing more of the other sex hormones to compensate, so are more well rounded.
Debutantes are presented regularly for the right type at gala charity events. Any expensive charity dinner, or finishing school, or private school for girls churns out proper young ladies, who cross their legs in the right way, accessorise demurely, quietly achieving their goals in non-threatening ways. However, just because they got the "right" education, does not mean that is their natural inclination. Occasionally they rebel in the opposite, or are bent in some way, especially if their education was unreasonably strict. A lot of "working class" girls will fight tooth and nail for their honour (as their poor status makes them vulnerable), are loyal to their partners, and would never accept an expensive gift for their favour, however they may not always know what is alright to discuss in polite society, or which eating utensil to use.
Hang out at car rallies and race tracks. Look around at what the talent is at car accessory shops and at the mechanics where people get their motors beefed up. If you see a car you like in a car park, hang around to see who owns it, and if they are bearable, work from there. Check out cars at the motor shop and you could pick up the talent, the customers or the workers! Getting a job selling cars or as a mechanic would be perfect for the hardened car fanatic. It might be better to just get your own car. It won't argue with you about where you are going.

You also have to take into account what you are bringing to the table. Having children may seem a problem, but not if the other has or wants children. Being overweight may seem a problem, but not if the other culturally thinks big is beautiful, or they like large as a preference ie. "chub chasers". Being inexperienced may seem a problem, but many wish to guide the virgin hand. Just choose confident and healthy teachers. The seeds of the solution are in the problem.

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