Looking For Love?

There are hundreds of millions of people in the world looking for romantic love. In the developed world, as about half marriages end in divorce, and everyone else is too young, or never was or is no longer interested, kinda seeing someone, it can be presumed that a lot of people are in some state of being single and available. So why do some struggle to find "the right one" when it is something they very much desire? I think it may be WHERE they look. Here is some suggested places to look for certain types. Nightclubs are too loud to talk often, and are only really good for finding some fast fun. Having some basic sign language you share with your friends is good for gigs like that, though terrible for chatting people up and getting to know a prospective mate. It is fast and often fruitless, and a bit awkward during and after. Dating sites are good, but you are searching through thousands, and you are looking specifically often. Also you can't smell them on a computer screen! You need to be able to smell someones pheromones to gage whether you are suitable on an animal level.

Also, if you ask, people always say they want someone "nice"or "good", who is honest, and can make them laugh, etc. They always describe a generic saint (watch out saints, you are hot property!). Actually they want someone who will slot into their emotional comfort zone. If you are looking for a long term mate, if you can accommodate their human condition you have more hope at something healthy and realistic.
FAST FUN? Nightclubs, parties (at party houses), pubs and hotels, specialist clubs.
SOMEONE FUNNY?
Comedy clubs, comedy movies, the person making the jokes people want to laugh at at social events, preforming arts schools, comics store, amusement parks, or the comedy section of the video store. The people with the sense of humour are in the audience too, you don't have to headhunt the main comic. Make sure it is a compatible kind of humour.
SOMEONE KIND?
Volunteer organisations, charity shops, working bees, working in child care, social work, human services, nurses, doctors, art therapists, complementary health practitioners, or teachers (of soft subjects). Volunteer yourself for causes you believe in, and you will meet someone, or someone who knows someone, who has the same values in kindness as you. With professional carers, if you know where they work (or play is better), make excuses to be there or where they stop to eat and drink. Then make excuses to start conversations, especially ones where you have to see them again. Two bits of advice though. First, volunteers and professional carers are not there for you to harass. Be kind as well, and respect their space. Do not stalk them. They are doing an essential job, so you don't want to put them off. Secondly, not everyone who does volunteer work does it because they are nice. Sometimes they are appeasing their consciences for some vice or vices, or occurrence from the past. Also, if you are thinking of preying on the do-gooders by getting one for yourself to serve you, that is something that will inevitably backfire.
A HARD WORKING BUSINESS SUIT?
Find out where the biggest or interest specific firms are. Go to nearby take aways and cafes (and bars for the more risque suit) at lunch time. Also at the time they end their working day. Dress the part (what would be appropriate?), and start a conversation (take an ice-breaker, like a restaurant brochure, if you need to). There are many suits in the making at university. Commerce students, law students etc. are often also working. Doing a course in money matters can give you a chance at meeting them, as well as give you jargon knowledge, so when they tell you about what they are doing, you can understand. However, becoming a businessperson or lawyer might give you the respectability, ambition and security that you may be looking for.
SOMEONE GOOD LOOKING?
Modelling/acting agencies. Fashion houses (and clothing shops), both male and female. Gyms, beaches and swimming pools. Photographers and modelling shows. Dance classes, beauticians, hair dressers. Strip clubs and escorts (however, don't look for anything permanent and expect to be charged). "In" crowds at nightclubs often have divas at the centre, though they are not the hub of all things beautiful, which they may have forgotten. Some good looking people hide for their own functionality, so look in back rooms and quiet places with security. Healthiness is the best looking, so try joggers and tai chi practitioners early morning in the park or beach. Health food shops, and sports venues are a good spot too.
SOMEONE RELIGIOUS OR SPIRITUAL?
If you are of a particular faith, or wish to find someone of a faith, try their/your temples, churches, mosques, synagogues, places of worship and religious gathering. If you do not find someone of preference, you can go to similar gatherings further afield, or larger mingling of similar ilk. If you are more broad-minded, but like a person with a sense of the spiritual, yoga classes, tai chi classes, meditation groups, healing centres, interfaith prayer groups, spiritual retreats, acupuncture waiting rooms, book shops specialising in spirituality or spiritually orientated Societies are good places to look. However, a few may be recovering from a life confronting experience, so preying on them is again unethical, and loaded with trouble.
WATCHING THE SUNSET ON THE BEACH?
Go and walk on the beach while the sun is setting. There will be other singles doing the same, for the love of it, if you are anywhere near civilisation in a beach orientated geography. Repeat as necessary, start conversations about the tide, the sunset, or something else beachy.
If you are looking for a beach babe or surfer, hang around the beach kiosk, swimwear and surf shops, get to the beach when the tide is high (or dropping so they start getting out of the water) for surfers. Dress appropriately, take up swimming/surfing/tanning/sand castle building!
SOMEONE R-RATED?
Sex toy shops (the kinky end), adult book shops (the R-Rated or XXX section), hardcore nightclubs, seedy suburbs, B&D or S&M parlours all have beats for the bent to follow up whatever fetish they are after. Look on notice boards, in magazines, ask at the counter if you are unfamiliar with where to get what. Realise there will probably be financial (as well as other) expenditure along many channels. Places NOT to look for your fetish fulfillment in or around schools (including colleges and universities), in places of worship, in general accommodation, or anywhere obviously straight. DO NOT try and prey on innocents outside of the places where it is OBVIOUSLY on offer. There are reasons why it is restricted by law. If you are looking for a particular type of fetishist like, or suiting, yourself, go find the ones who are ALREADY into it, where they gather, leave the straight (vanilla) people alone. There are nightclubs and parlours available. If you have a sexual addiction that you have lost control of, which is messing up your life, there is help, such as your doctor, counsellor, psychologist or sex therapist, some religious service people, Sex Addicts Anonymous, and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.
SOMEONE ARTISTIC?
Art galleries, avante garde film nights, independent cinemas, theatre sports, art classes/schools, studios and artistic co-operatives, arts and crafts fairs/shops or suburbs, creative cooking courses, pottery and sculpture studios, haberdasheries, design and fashion supply shops or houses, landscaping supply shops, writing groups, architecture clubs or conventions, rock and pop gigs, the opera or ballet, symphony under the stars, photographic services, entertainment venues, the spray paint or carpentry section of the hardware store!
A BREEDER?
Need to find someone to have babies with? Child care workers and training facilities, au pair services, teachers (especially primary school), people in and working in baby ware shops or sections of shops, midwifes, maternity nurses or education institutions, anywhere with babies will gather cooing breeders (borrow a friend or relatives baby and go for a walk and you will see what is meant) including men, country people (male and female), poorer people (generally, the poor have more children then the rich, ironically), the devout faithful (barring a few who have devoted themselves purely to religion) of just about any religion (Ba'hai for instance), people of simple ambition (the Michangelos, Joan of Arcs, career or cause orientated are often too busy or even avoiding it), single parents social clubs. Here's a tip. People, both male and female, who are single parents, or weekend parents, want someone who likes children (especially theirs) to help them rear their young as well as to love. They are often quite willing to have more children to establish that bond for permanence. It also makes them seem more legally stable. Their thinking is very practical by this stage. Again, if you are honestly looking for breeder love look in those places. However, preying on these people, whose lives are already difficult, for money or access to children is deeply wrong.
SOMEONE ROMANTIC?
These incorrigible romantics tend to live in a fantasy, and are a bit perfectionist orientated. In their heads they are heroes and heroines, defeating the bad guys to win the day and the girl at the end. Life is not really like that, so a lot of them like fantasy stuff. The fantasy section of the library or bookshop has many a misty eyed browser. So do shops selling gaming paraphernalia (Lord of the Rings figurines, do it yourself Dungeons and Dragons kits). Gothics tend to be quite straight, but tragedy orientated. Poetry sections of the book store are good as well (Yeats, Keats, Browning), as well as the romance section (Mills and Boon etc). The romantic comedy (usually girls)/sci-fi fantasy (usually boys) section of the video shop is quite fruitful. Florists, wedding gown/jewelry shop windows (and people working or enquiring there). They may like proper places and things, so antique shops, high quality food or home wares shops are good, as long as it is a bit different (cultured). They like meaning to be part of it. They are often looking for something pure and noble in other areas of their life, so may be doing anything from voluntary land care, working in an charity shop, to martial arts. They may very well be trying to save something in a noble cause. Anywhere that attracts idealists. Historical appreciation societies, old building conservation societies, Knights of the Holy Order of Whatever, archives, museums and anywhere else sentimental.
SOMEONE MANLY?
Like your men beefy and strong? Try heavy sports venues (football, squash, triathletics), builders/labourers, farm workers. And of course, body builders at the gym. Emergency service workers, firemen, warehouse workers, anyone who lifts and carries heavy items regularly, roadies, and furniture removalists. Watch out for anyone who might be using steroids, as long term use harms their ability to preform in bed, and also makes them moody and aggressive. Balding men tend to have higher testosterone levels, producing more of the other sex hormones to compensate, so are more well rounded.
SOMEONE LADYLIKE?
Debutantes are presented regularly for the right type at gala charity events. Any expensive charity dinner, or finishing school, or private school for girls churns out proper young ladies, who cross their legs in the right way, accessorise demurely, quietly achieving their goals in non-threatening ways. However, just because they got the "right" education, does not mean that is their natural inclination. Occasionally they rebel in the opposite, or are bent in some way, especially if their education was unreasonably strict. A lot of "working class" girls will fight tooth and nail for their honour (as their poor status makes them vulnerable), are loyal to their partners, and would never accept an expensive gift for their favour, however they may not always know what is alright to discuss in polite society, or which eating utensil to use.

SOMEONE WITH A COOL CAR?

Hang out at car rallies and race tracks. Look around at what the talent is at car accessory shops and at the mechanics where people get their motors beefed up. If you see a car you like in a car park, hang around to see who owns it, and if they are bearable, work from there. Check out cars at the motor shop and you could pick up the talent, the customers or the workers! Getting a job selling cars or as a mechanic would be perfect for the hardened car fanatic. It might be better to just get your own car. It won't argue with you about where you are going.

You also have to take into account what you are bringing to the table. Having children may seem a problem, but not if the other has or wants children. Being overweight may seem a problem, but not if the other culturally thinks big is beautiful, or they like large as a preference ie. "chub chasers". Being inexperienced may seem a problem, but many wish to guide the virgin hand. Just choose confident and healthy teachers. The seeds of the solution are in the problem.

Recycling Bicycles

This is an idea for one of those programs where they set up small industry in poorer regions to help break the poverty cycle in either government initiatives or charitable organisations.
If you set up a small tin smelt (like a blacksmiths) with all the moulds for a bicycle, you could get the local youth to gather up tin cans or aluminium cans in exchange for a bicycle, made from the gathered tin. They could gather enough for there own bike, as well as enough for another bike, so the recycling business can sell that one for profit. The person can do that as much as (s)he wants, giving or selling the ones they make spare. There could also where they get a certain amount of cash for their cans if they don't want a bike, have a bike and want to keep gathering. Also, buying back their second bike etc. could be a way to do it. That way the furnace can afford fuel for the smelting, and also maintaining the equipment. They could also make other things as well, of course. Such as helmets. Or jewellery.
Of course, you could also teach smelting and blacksmithing for the extra keen. It would probably break even, but its the brownie points of feel goods that are the profits here.

Support Groups for Foster Children

In the modern post industrialised world, their are many children who are not living with both their parents. They may be in foster families (which have not got the best record), living with one parent, either through divorce or lack of marriage/co-habitation or prison or death, or living partly with one parent and then the other parent. They may live with other family members. All of these compromised situations leave the child vulnerable to the unethical or damaged. Their carers maybe depressed, or resentful of their position and what the child represents to them in that situation. To pretend a sense of duty is enough to provide for the child is dangerous. If people were as nurturing as is needed, half of the laws of the world would not be necessary.
What this suggestion is about is a support group at every school for these students, similar to the support group for immigrant children I previously suggested. The same long term productivity and economic savings are the incentives for governments putting the relatively low cost program in place.
Setting up a support group for these children of unfortunate circumstances, including foster children, single parent families, children living with other relatives, divorced parents children, and anyone who looks angry or downtrodden would give them the chance to feel as though the "authorities" care and so do their peers, which may reduce "antisocial" behaviours, and feel if they participate in healthier activities they benefit. This will save the community a fortune in rehab, prisons, policing, and general mayhem and tragedy. Also, combining children whose lack of a full parenting background and the various solutions may put their own situation in perspective.
The school counsellor could run it like a youth group (a lot of church groups don't quite know what to do with "strays" of unusual background). It could have aspects like a self help group. Activities like trust games, anger management, discussion time, body language reading, self esteem raising tasks, life skills such as basic cooking, form filling, art creation and appreciation, etc could make it fun as well as useful. A regular talk on their rights, and what an adult can and cannot do to them is, of course, essential. There could be guest speakers as well as fun outings. The speech and drama teacher could run the body language talk, the sports teacher could take a self esteem raising game, a community member who had a tough time as a child could give a talk on how they overcame the odds and created their own destiny. Trips to the beach or park, as well as "cool" stuff in the local area, such as the movies or arcade or art gallery could give it an air every now and then, and act as an economical reward for tasks completed.
Also, during the discussion group on their problems and possible solutions, it must be made clear to the children that there are counsellors, male and female, available, as well as legal backing if needed. If they are being beaten, psychologically abused, or sexually interfered with, they may need to feel like they can trust the people available to help them. Their trust has been messed with, and a general group is a way for them to know their rights, build confidence and trust enough to ask for individual attention. This with help the general community economically and emotionally in the long term, in productivity and healthiness.

Asylum Seekers of the World Solution

As the global population expands and shifts demographically, there is an increasing number of skirmishes over resources, political upheaval, man made and natural disasters that make populations need to relocate. Regularly (mostly stable) countries all around the world have displaced members of our global community knocking on the door in various states of desperation asking for assistance in the form of residency. Every country's leaders are aware that this is becoming a more and more regular occurrence, with every likelihood of increasing with time. Some more hardline approaches is a zero tolerance policy on these unfortunates, treating the asylum seekers like criminals in the hope they will stop attempting to enter their domain. Besides being very unhumanitarian and an active neglect of their human rights, it only works in the short term as "desperate is what desperate does", and often the door will be knocked harder in the future, as in a battering ram. More humanitarian approaches is to be softer on the refugees, which is great for the human touch and feels good, but also leads to every stray in the global neighbourhood seeing it as the opportunity to get somewhere easily. Here is a solution that is good for all involved.
If the asylum seekers are recruited for 2 or 3 years in the service of the United Nations, that can be their opportunity to show their genuine helpfulness and skill to the global community. A metaphor could be that every time a tooth is knocked out in a fight, that tooth goes to serve the U.N., giving it more teeth. It is a lot better then sitting in a refugee camp, with nothing to do but feel hard done by, instead utilising their time and skills, or increasing their skills.

There could be various areas to work in such as:
1. Human rights advocacy
2. Humanitarian aide
3. Child protection
4. Education
5. Peace corps
6. Environmental disaster relief
7. Environmental work
8. Staff member aides
9. Counselling
10. Interpretation

While they do voluntary, possibly payed, work for the U.N., it gives the U.N. staff time and opportunity to get to know the asylum seekers, their personalities, skills and inclinations which puts them in a better position to knowledgeably place them in appropriate areas of the global community. It will also show their problem solving capabilities, cosmopolitan communication skills, integration likelihood, adaptability, and willingness to participate in team work with others who are different to themselves.
For the U.N. it turns what would be an administrative headache into a workforce, and the more number of refugees there are (let's say there are severe floods and several small wars in a glut), the more workers they will have to help resolve the situation. Also, if any of the refugees really shine, they get first pick!
Of course, some education and skills teaching would be needed, but a lot of refugees already have a lot of skills (bi-lingual, carpentry, legal knowledge etc) which are just waiting to be resourced. Also, if you teach a skill to one refugee, such as how to write a legal letter, they can teach the next, and so on. Also, as many are likely to spend time in a cosmopolitan metropolis, it helps to increase awareness, tolerance and understanding of other types of people. And after a preliminary 2 or 3 years, they can be allocated to a part of the global community that needs their skills and they are best suited to, reducing the likelihood of a repeat of the previous turmoil. Everyone involved, the U.N., the refugee, the adoptive country, even at times the old country, will come away feeling like they have been beneficial and benefited and feeling good.

Facts Of Life

In old age, people who are actively involved in, and contributing to, a strong, healthy, and supportive community live longer with a better quality of life and health. This is whether or not they are in a romantic relationship. In fact, elderly people in an insular relationship which they rely upon get sicker and die earlier, especially when their partner dies or is removed (like hospital or nursing home). The obvious advice is to get actively (usefully is best) involved in the caring community around you, especially as you get older. It is a reason to maintain personal health and hygiene standards, and people will notice if you are getting unhealthy, having a difficult time, or even stop showing up, and will step in to assist, especially if you are a valuable member. Get involved in things that have the most meaning to you, as this is what you will find most fulfilling for your mind, body, and soul, and where you will have the best effect.

In the first 6 weeks of retirement, more people die, or become stressed mentally and physically. This is especially so if their career was the only or most important thing in their life. If they based who they are on what their job was, they are in jeopardy, as they feel lost. The huge change especially for the routine orientated older person often leads to heart attacks etc. The best thing is to get into mentoring, that is teaching skills to newcomers in their career, to help ease them into a slower pace, and fulfil an important obligation: passing on what they know and have learnt from experience. Also, indulging in forgotten hobbies and new experiences and pastimes helps prevent Alzheimer's (severe memory loss).

Women's life dependency statistically decreases if she is involved with a man, whereas a man's life expectancy increases if he is involved with a woman. The only advice is whether or not you are male or female, single or attached, look after yourself as if you really matter. It is your responsibility and your responsibility alone. In fact, no one else can feel what your body feels, so they really can't do it for you.

A woman's chances of being murdered is increased by 10 times at the altar. Most murders happen between family members, and it's usually the husband (or ex-husband) who is murdering the wife (or ex-wife). It's really important to be sure the guy you are hitching your wagon to is level headed and respectful, realistic and expressive!

Most personal attack (hate) crimes such as child molestation (which is more often perpetuated by a family member, often young themselves, or family friend), robbery (often sleight-of-hand or white collar), rape, confidence tricks or other abuse are not a matter of grab-them-and-hold-them-down. They are seductive in nature, blurring the boundaries and confusing the victim or victims. They will try to infiltrate into the potential victim's emotional trust zone. Abusers can be, and more often are, very charming. The advice is try and not be too readily charmed, part with nothing and try to avoid risky choices like letting them in your home. If a lot of plying charm is flying around, ask why. Charmers are often dodgy.

The wealthier the people are, the less children they have. The super poor and working class breed more heavily with less means (no entertainment, education or contraceptives?), the middle and upper mid-socio-economic range have children according to what they can afford in schooling and other moderate ambitions, and the wealthy are either busy ruling the place or can't seem to find one another in the castle! Try to stay balanced, if that suits you.

Waking up is the most dangerous time in the day. When waking, your body (and brain) is going through a stressful process of going from a suspended animation state to an active state. It's like deep sea diving or taking off in a rocket, harsh on the being. That's why it is prime time for heart attacks and strokes. So, take it easy, no harsh alarm clocks or mad dashes, give yourself half an hour or so just for the gentle process of waking up.

The most dangerous place for accidents in the stable first world is the home. It's there that people are not in public (where they also have less assistance) so they take more risks, feel safe so they drop their guard, no or little worker's standards or public safety laws, are more likely to be intoxicated more heavily, and get more carried away with their emotional life. The best advice is to think when you go to do something at home (esp. alone), what advice would a good sensible friend, parent or co-worker give you. Also, check if your house is safe as a government department office (no tears in the carpet, exposed wires, dodgy hot spots, clear walkways, clean up clutter etc).

A survivor of sexual abuse, the most intimate form of betrayal, react sexually after escaping in two ways. Either they become understandably frigid, shunning any activity, and conservative, suspicious (even paranoid) and depressed, or they become highly sexual, displaying predatory and/or risk taking behaviour. It's often a devil-may-care, I don't matter (only the pain does), get-them-before-they-get-you attitude. Often it is a way of expressing and releasing their anger. It's the ones that have the most denial of being attacked that become the most sexually aggressive. If you are the friend or family member of someone displaying such behaviour talk to them about it AFTER doing some research, and get them to a counsellor who deals with sexual assault or post traumatic stress disorder as soon as possible. If the symptoms blossom to their full velocity, the regrets will be compounded by further regrets, whether they are frigid or predatory. If you notice the symptoms in yourself, do yourself a favour and seek professional help. The reactions are perfectly natural, but not useful to you in the long run. The result if it goes unchecked can be a regrettable and painful waste of your life, time, talents and self esteem. It is also a good to go to an alternative health specialist who deals with energy, such as an acupuncture, aura healing, breath worker, prayer healer or shaman, as the soul's energy has probably been damaged.

Advice for Young People Moving to the Big City.

If you are a young person from a small place who is thinking of moving to the Big City because it's too boring, small and quiet where you are from, and there are not enough opportunities, excitement, and work in the small place you are, here is some hard won advice. Especially if you have little experience of large cities.

Firstly, go with someone you know really well (a cousin or best friend or uncle who used to live there). Make sure you can trust the person you go with who is going to stick by you, who you can discuss with what to do with what is happening while you are exploring the city world. I know you are young and ready to take on the world with your invincibility (you have conquered your home town, your social scene, your teachers and bosses, and parents, after all), but you will probably could use someone real and trustworthy THAT YOU KNOW on your side.

City people are not like the people where you are from. Firstly, they are often stressed from overcrowding and various lifestyle choices that come from the "opportunities" of the city (damaging levels of alcohol and drugs, crime, debauchery, greed, gluttony and other forms of corruptions). The stress can reach a point of life-and-death, where all the rules of civilisation go out the window, and it's down to basic instinct. They are also removed almost entirely from any form of nature which often causes them to become a bit, let's be polite, peculiar. Most are predatory. Some become downright dangerous. A good rule of thumb when interacting with someone from the city is if they look mentally, emotionally and physically healthy and intact they MAY be alright.

At first you may be excited or even frightened by the huge range of culture available to you in a big city. There will be people there from all over the world, with wonderful foods and cultural experiences. Don't get over excited. Just because someone or something is from somewhere else doesn't immediately make them saints or sinners. Just like people from where you are from, there are good ones and bad ones, and most of them are a mixture of "good" and "bad". The only way to be sure is to get to know them (slowly) and what ethos they base themselves from.

When going to live in the big city for the first time, get a recognised work skill before you go. Even if it's making coffee, make sure you have that skill. Then, when you get to the city, make sure you get a job in that skill as soon as possible. It'll keep you out of trouble (and there's some seriously bad stuff in cities) and start you with a safe network. Also cities are very expensive to live in, and you will be needing that money just to survive. If the dream is to get your band famous or become a movie star or model or scientist, you are still going to need the bread and butter money of a decent job in the beginning.

Whatever you do, don't tell anyone that you are there on your own, not knowing anyone, with no money or job skills, clueless about anything of the big city, miles from anything or anyone familiar, and that you hate your parents anyway. The fact you are looking for accommodation and a job is none of their business, unless they are an employer or landlord. The shifty guy on the street may claim he wants to help you out, but his motives are ulterior, especially if you are female. Also if you are male. They will pretend to take you under their wing or show you around or be your friend, but they are sizing you up to see what they can get from you. And they will go to corrupt levels to get it. They will also part with as little as they can to get as much as they can. The word to use is EXPLOITATION. If they need to make you feel bad to get you to do, be, give what they want, they will. If they need to steal to win, they will. They often go to elaborate lengths to set you up. It is often very subtle. It really is dog eat dog.

It is best if you refrain from telling them anything about yourself that can give away your strengths and weaknesses. Lie if you have to, but if you can't bring yourself to that (their) level, say nothing, or answer with questions (like Socrates), and if pushed for information, just walk away. Remember, most big city people are pretending to be something they are not (posing), so presume they are lying or avoiding the truth most of the time and you will be streets ahead of them. Avoid pouring your heart out to anyone who isn't as willing to share information about themselves. The most frightening thing to big city people is honesty. They honestly think it makes either you or them vulnerable.

Personal safety is paramount. Lock doors, strap money and handbags to yourself, keep them zipped. Use condoms. You are not in a sleepy little village. Ask around about the area. Find out where the rich areas and the slum areas are. Take care in the slum areas at night (take mace or other appropriate weapon anytime you think appropriate, whatever, just take mace anywhere, anytime), avoid it if you can. It is full of rot and crime. Pity the occupants from the afar. Take care in the areas with money during the day. Offending or attracting the desires of people who have money and influence can be more dangerous than a strung out junky looking for someone to mug for a fix. Remember that not all that glitters is gold. It just looks like it. That's part of the eternal illusion of the big cities. Find out who calls the shots in the big city. Big players in money, crime, politics, and whatever industry you are interested in. Find out who's who so you know what to avoid and what to respect.

You may be wanting to make friends and even look for romance. People may seem a little cold at first, big city people often are so they can survive. Just remember, you are a fairly good person (I'm presuming you are fairly well brought up in a fairly caring community and you try to be nice) and YOU ARE THE ONE WITH WHAT THEY NEED, not the other way round. You may be insecure because you are adjusting to a lot, and want to be liked. Don't let that make you stupid. It's the people that go to the city with the skills, time, money and energy for the cities endeavours. There are a lot of people in the city so you have plenty of choice. Get involved in constructive interest groups of whatever you enjoy (a car club if it's cars, an art appreciation club if it's art, political action group if it's politics, sporting club if it's sport, religious or philosophical group if it's spiritual, health club if it's health, environmental active group if it's the environment etc). Then you will save time finding contacts within the kind of thing you actually want to know about, as opposed to accidentally stumbling into the muck of the city.

Romantically, big city people play by different rules to country or small town/city people. Small place people generally want a simple romance with a view to something decent for the long term. Not always, some want to try all the flavours of ice cream, but mostly small place people tend to wear their hearts on their sleeve (even as they attempt all the ice cream). Big city people see themselves as Players a lot of the time. They are image orientated people most of the time (caring more about what it looks like more then what it really is), and will lie about anything to keep up appearances and to gain an advantage over others (which they usually lose when it comes out in the wash). If you start seeing one, you can almost guarantee they will be seeing someone else, or are bisexual and didn't think you needed to know, or some other nasty deceptive surprise, such as already being married, being into B and D, or a porn star and will probably either want to pretend they are as innocent as you are or will "accidentally" let you know about their other "love" interests and hope for a jealous reaction for their enjoyment, or that you will competitively attempt to become as "worldly" as them or the other person. They often use what the normal reaction of being offended that any decent person would have to their "advantage". They see this as sophisticated, when it's actually childish. They also often get into bent forms of sex, whether it's toys, role playing, kinky fetishes, sadomasochism or swinging. Not that experimenting is bad per se, but remember you are the new meat in the scene, so be careful what you believe and expect the kind of nasty pranks any rookie would receive. Also, choose not to blindly follow those who pretend to know better. The nastier elements will use suggestion, pressure, one-up-man ship, intoxication, rebelliousness, any form of "weakness" to bring you down. It can be insidious, and corrupting. It brings out the worst in the best. They see it as sophisticated, but it is actually childish. They are often posers who want to be seen in the right places playing the right people, but it is all in their head. No-one cares, and if anyone who actually does matter notices, they are often repulsed. Honesty, fair play and common decency are far more sophisticated then any amount of trickery. If you date in the big city, date someone like yourself, from a comparatively normal background, from a more realistic place. You are more likely to get something real. And they will be better and more genuine lovers on all levels.

People often think of big cities as an anonymous places where they can lose themselves in the crowd, and indulge themselves in things that they wouldn't normally get away with. This isn't entirely true. Each section has a community, whether it's a suburb, industry or social scene. People know one another and notice things. In fact, in big cities, they are often used to newcomers and have even systematised testing and dealing with them. You will be tested when you are new anywhere. Also, if you think your family and friends back home don't have some idea of what you are up to, think again. Even if they are blind they can still connect the dots. After all, what do they know (of life, of big cities, of you) and what would they do?

Partying is fun, right? Well, it is. However, partying in the Big City is a different thing to back home. My advice is go to cool gigs, but don't get loaded there. Drink or whatever enough to be social but don't get totally trashed. In big cities seriously bad stuff can happen if you go over the top in a crowd or even in public, besides losing face. If you get blasted, you can be assaulted, robbed, ripped off (if the taxi driver sees how smashed you are, you are in for a joy ride), and other much more disturbing stuff. You don't have to cane yourself to be cool, and you won't win any one's respect that way (you probably want to win friends and status in a cool place). If the crowd thinks being off your tree is cool (they are obviously not cool), fake your drunkenness. Always guard your drink because of drink spiking, sadly too common. Nasty people who want to roll you often work in teams using distraction, slight of hand, social pressure and anything else it takes to have their wicked way. If you have had a killer week or your dog just died and you want to get absolutely obliterated to kill the pain, do it at home with the doors locked. If there is someone with you, make sure they are the most trustworthy of people.

Big cities are go, go, go all the time. Work, travel, shopping and partying come at you from all directions all the time. It can be full on in the human element just getting to the corner store. There are sirens constantly, and extremes of people everywhere all bustling and hustling. Make sure you get adequate sleep and nutrition, and time out regularly for reflection and to touch earth and refocus on your priorities and to centre yourself. It is essential, as you risk burning out if you don't. If you don't get enough sleep, personal time and space, or food for energy and healing, you risk making stupid decisions, being harried and pressured into shortcuts that are costly and not having the wherewithal to realise better choices are available. Take time out to get some perspective. Put off important decisions until you have had adequate space to reflect and contemplate the choices. Go on weekend trips out into the country or beaches regularly to slow your world down for a bit.

Crime is another kettle of fish in big cities too. In a smaller population, the local burglar gets busted and goes to jail or makes amends or generally gets dealt with. In large populations, the criminal element is part of the established order. It is often organised. The real yuks and heavies. There is nothing romantic or cool about being brought to all time inhumane lows, which many affected by that world are. It's very uncool. That's why it is smart not to drift too much looking lost and vulnerable, and to get involved with healthier elements of the community. Get a form of income that is safe and decent enough so you don't get desperate enough to take stupid risks, and socially get involved with people who are into something harmless but fun, or even challenging (like helping disabled people). City criminals are different from country criminals. If you score a bit of pot in smaller community, it will be from hippies, metal heads, rebel bikers or even farmer Joe. You will get a fair deal and it'll be clean. If you score in the big city, it will be a very small deal and could easily be laced with something nasty (to get you hooked, knock you out so they can have their way with you, or just "boost" the effect). The people will probably also offer you other things that are a guaranteed road to Wipeoutville. Avoid hard, addictive drugs, no matter how painful things have been. A good rule of thumb is to see how healthy the people you are dealing with are both mentally, emotionally and physically. What is the environment of their particular corner of the world like?

However, if you still wish to try your luck on a big city (life is a bigger and better gamble then any casino), there are plenty of things to benefit from. There are all sorts of cultural things to enjoy, foods of the world, great art and craft of the world. There are educational and entertainment opportunities that you often don't get in smaller places. Take them. Fill your time with stuff that is actually going to benefit you in the long run. You can get better paying (then at home) work and increase your work skills (and therefore income), you can get gigs for your artistic expressions more easily, you have better quality courses available. Just remember, think carefully about the "opportunities" available to you, you don't have to take the first one straight away, there are plenty of others. Think about if you REALLY want to go where that "opportunity" is going to take you.

What would you do if your life was public knowledge or entertainment, and everyone knew what you were up to? What would you put up with? In the cities (and often life), everything you do is being observed. Keep that in mind.Whatever anybody else does or says or leads you to believe, there is no real reason to go to desperate extremes (either to survive or to gain a treasured dream), if you work to cover your bases from the first and have a moderately flexible plan and a healthy sense of common decency. There will be insinuations, threats and promises made by the unscrupulous. See through it. Stay true to your dreams, and maintain your basic ethics and principles. The only person you will always have to live with is you.

Work is also another area to watch out for sharkish behaviour. Because you are young and from out of town where employment is harder to come by, you will be happy and grateful when you score your first job in the big city. Big city people are used to this and probably saw you coming. Insist on decent pay for reasonable hours and basic standards. Rock the boat if you have to, it is your right to expect these things, squawk loudly if necessary. If you let them get away with indecent conditions and expectations, other young people are going to fall into the same trap even if you leave. You will get help and respect for your efforts. You are offering honest hard work and the precious time of your youth, you should be rewarded with basic decency. Avoid letting greed and keeping up appearances turn you into a rat on a overworked treadmill.

I also recommend going there on holiday or general trips a few times before actually moving there. That way you can get a lay of the land, see what you will be dealing with physically, can case the pros and cons, meet people and gage the general livability of the situation you will be in. Don't sell yourself short. You are the future. Expect basic decency, but guard against the less then worthy.
I took some hard knocks so I can tell you this. If you wish to take the advice, you can avoid some of the agony I have survived.

Hospital Tax or Rationing

This is inspired by watching reading and hearing information on things like diabetes, death stats, hospital funding problems. Diseases like diabetes, heart disease etc. are often caused by lifestyle choices, and are detrimental on mortality rates and hospitals.

During wartime periods where there was rationing, people had less access to unhealthy products (sugar, cigarettes, etc) and were consequently healthier. There were less dental problems, less cholesterol problems, less heart disease, less smoking related cancers. You don't actually need to have a war to put rationing in place. If junk food products, alcohol, and cigarettes were rationed, we would all be healthier. Sure, people could swap rations (I'll give you my chocolate rations for your alcohol rations), but a lot of consumption would be curbed. A black market would of course arise, and policing it would take a fair amount of resources, but most people would not be that desperate. However, things would be more difficult to monitor if they are driven underground, and I'm sure the idea would be most unpopular with the freedom fighters of the world. The next idea is more practical and liberated, though a bit band aid orientated.

If you put a Hospital Tax on all products that contribute to people spending time in hospital, you could cover the expenses to the hospitals at the point of purchase. You would of course make sure the monies raised by the Hospital Tax gets to the hospitals. So, if the food is junk food (high energy, little nutritional value), put a Hospital Tax on it. Cigarettes and other smoking products could have a Hospital Tax on it. Alcohol could too (for long term damage and accidents), as well as vehicles and weapons. Anything that is likely to raise cholesterol, blood pressure, give you cancer, make you obese, or harm you in any way (directly like an accident or slowly or indirectly like pollution) could have a mandatory Hospital Tax. The tax could be worked out to cover the costs to the community in health care, and to prevent overzealous taxing (ie taxing lentils for choking hazard) simply tax the most common forms of hospitalizing products and the ones that cause the most grievous forms of harm. If you want to also put the purchaser off the product, you could insist (by law) that the product clearly displays it has the Hospital Tax on it and on any advertisement of the said product.

Immigrant Children's Support Group

This is a suggestion for children from immigrating families to have highly encouraged access to a support group when newly arrived at their schools or community houses. This is where they can meet other children, not necessarily of the same background, but sharing the experiences of relocating to a new country, culture, climate and home.


Often when a child has immigrated to a new country with (or without) their family there were many reasons for the move. It may be for work opportunities or lifestyle choices for their parents (and, presumably in the long run, themselves) or because of hardships such a persecution, social upheaval, war or political unrest or oppression in the worst case situations. When a child moves from one place they have known, even if it was oppressive, to a new unknown place it can be frightening, even if it brings relief or excitement initially. They will experience feelings of loss, especially if they lose contact with friends and family. This is often compounded if those they leave behind are in danger or worse. Thats quite a burden for any child. Then there is the new unknown place they are adjusting to. If the environment is very different from their country of origin, it can take some adjusting to. The lay of the land, the temperatures, the smells and sounds can be almost alien if differing enough. Then there are the people. If they speak another language, and havent learnt the new countries common tongue, there is the isolation of the language barrier. Then theres the cultural differences. Even if there is no language barrier, every nation has its own customs, culture, formalities, morays, turns of phrases and peculiarities, as does their own family, which tends to become a little mini-version of their country of origin at the time they left it. Examples of this can be found all over the world in antiquated and ritualised pockets of "colonials" from many cultures. If the family is of a rarer sociopolitical global demographic or if their spiritual beliefs are not as common in the new country they may experience a feeling of being lost and overwhelmed. Compound this with the fact that when they do start school they are the "new kids". The other children will, with all the assuredness of the less travelled, test the child. Often the child is dazed from the many changes already occuring in their lives. Some are downright frightened. Their parents are also adjusting to the huge changes immigrating brings, but as adults they have usually gained the maturity, understanding and basic social skills to negotiate the new course of direction. Children are still developing those skills. Often the parents are so embroiled in the upheaval they might not notice or have the time, energy or wherewithall to properly attend to the emotional adjustments the child will be trying to assimulate. If the child is singled out from their peer group for being "different" or is dropping behind in their school marks because of language difficulties or is in anyway struggling with the strong emotions any experience of such a dramatic change can bring, they may withdraw, become aggressive, or resort to "reverse snobbery" (becoming proud of their differences, which is good, and critical of the new culture, which is unhelpful) or even judge themselves harshly for their apparent shortcomings. Of course anyone in such a situation would be doing well just to manage the basics. Although any broadsighted person can see this, children often cannot. They tend to blame themselves for things outside of their control. This is where a support group of peers in a similar situation, headed by a responsible, understanding teacher or counsellor would be most beneficial.


Often adult immigrants not only have to organise and execute the move of their family to the new country, but once they get there, they have establish a home, financial security, and a new life for themselves and their young. They are starting from scratch in a new country and culture without knowing many people or how the infrastructure and networks work, even if they arrive with any amount of material acquisitions. They often work very hard for long hours. For this reason they often don't have the energy, time, and resources to fully contend with their child's emotional adjustments. Often the child will shield the parent from any of their personal issues arising from the momentus changes they are going through.The parents often worry for their children and want to give them every opportunity they can, considering that in their own lives they were put in the position where they had to immigrate for survival reasons. Immigrant parents are often noted for having high expectations on their children in the studies area. They also often have cultural expectations in other areas of the childs life. Sometimes there are conflicts and misunderstandings (often it is just a percieved threat) between the customary thinking of the home and social worlds. Often if the new countries culture is very different from their original customs, the parents or entire family may adhere more rigidly to the "old way" as a way of counteracting some of the more intense shifts in lifestyles they are likely to experience. As the child grows older and assimilates into the new culture, the cultural expectations of their peers and quite often the society at large come to the foreground of understanding. The way things work in the new country become part of their assimilation of growing up as well as belonging to a new place and time to the generation that brought them there. This is a greater then a mere generation gap. Of course this is not always the case. Some families buffer the blows of outrageous fortune by banding strongly together. Some parents (and children) embrace their new world with zeal, to the point of renouncing the "bad old days" of their former experiences in their previous life. But most people, especially the young adults, will feel pulled in two directions. The temptation is to rebel against the authorities in their life. Especially if the feel they werent given a fighting chance. If they come undone under the pressure (a sense of humour seems to help in moments of duresse), it can be costly to themselves, their community, and society at large. It could be they drop out of school. The might turn to alcohol and drugs to ease the pain of a troubled life. They may become violent and/or turn to criminal activity partly to gain a feeling of empowerment. Especially if the new culture treats them with suspicion and when they ease into the customs of the society, condemnation at home. This costs the society in general in work time and skills, rehab programs, infrastructure like hospitals and prisons. This is why early intervention is absolutely essential. Prevention, as is commonly known, is better then cure.

If new children from immigrating families are put into a support group program early on where they can share their experiences with other children experiencing similiar adjustments, and a compassionate responsible teacher or counsellor they could benefit greatly in many ways. Firstly, they would immediately feel they are not alone. Secondly it gives them access to others in there community who are empathetic to their position. If the support group is long running it can give them a real sense of community.

It can be run like a youth group or school club, with a basic structure including democratic voting on some activities partaken. Activities could include help with language skills (both formal language for school work and casual language for socialising), culinary exchanges of foods from their home culture and food from their new culture, excursions to culturally significant places, personal development skills (human rights education, assertiveness training, trust games, anger management, listening skills, positive thinking, creative expression etc), infrastruture and public services explained, explanation/experience of local and their own cultures sports and other recreational activities, talks given by local community members such as police, doctors, artists, typical locals, others who have immigrated and are now well established. There could also be group discussion time (debriefing) about how they are coping, problems they are facing and possible solutions. There could be counsellors made available for anything that they might want to work through privately. It would be appropriate to have both a male and female trained adult that can be approached for sensitive issues. They should be clearly introduced to counsellors so that they are aware they have access to confidential resourses, and it isn't an abstract 'out there' thing which they have to try and initiate. If they are not sure how and feel they are causing a fuss they might give up. Sensitivity on the part of the group leaders is paramount.

It could work best if the group leaders and young people have a fair amount of flexibility on culturally appropiate activities, with voting included on more recreational tasks. More formal criteria could be kept to a minimum. It should be somewhat enjoyable experience with tolerance and acceptance at its heart.

There could be an extension to their parents, with information made available via the children on counselling services, public services, legal rights etc.

Other children can be included into the group such as children who have moved from another area of the country, or even simply changed schools (even if the child changed schools because of behavioural difficulties). It might work best if the group runs over an extended time so that a real sense of community arises.

It would be very easy to establish groups of this calibre in highly populated areas with high immigrant populations, such as large cities. The richness of the potential cultural diversity could be very beneficial to the group if managed sensitively. However, in more remote and less populated areas, immigrant children are more isolated with less resources at their disposal. It is essential these vulnerable children get access to a support group. If the school they attend does not have the immigrant population to create a group, the immigrant children of several schools could form a group which meets at a mutually accessable location.

These support groups, although simple and low cost, could be a wonderful solution to a problem, that left to run to a potentially disasterous end, will cost the state substantially in damage control. It is better to put your young new citizens on a mutually beneficial course where they feel supported by the establishment and community, then leave them to flounder alone under extreme difficulty, only to be forced to expend much more expenses in the likelihood of their failure.

It might be most effective if when establishing these groups and to keep in mind the purpose of endeavour. Decisions might be best made if kept in the light of the spirit of acceptance, care and tolerance. The leaders are aiming for an appreciation and understanding of both cultures and the easing of the growth and development of the young people generally and as part of a new group of the culture. Both the immigrants and cultures will hopefully accept, grow, and evolve into a living, loving part of each others world.